My daughter, Hazel, is graduating from high school. Where does the time go? It seems like yesterday that she was a student at All Saints’. My memory of her graduation from the Orange Room is one that lives on in my heart and mind. From the sound of her ringing the church bell to singing “I Am a Promise” with her class- mates, then as now, there were feelings of overwhelming joy and sadness.
A children’s book called The Blur describes this feeling perfectly. The child is born, and the sleepless early days are a blur. At moments, like when the parents are watching the child sleeping, time stands still. Then the blur returns as the child starts walking and exploring everything. Time stops again when the child falls off her bike and later, at graduation. The book ends with the crying parents hugging their now grown crying child as she leaves for college, accompanied by the words, “How did we get here so fast? It’s all a blur.”
Another description of parenting that resonates with me is “Long days, short years”. The days can be long with the work and care required to raise your children, but the years go by fast. Before you know it, they are grown. At momentous moments, we are proud of our children for reaching a milestone, but it can also be stressful. If we recognize this natural inclination to resist change, we can find healthy ways to deal with the inevitable transitions instead of fighting them. As I reflect on how to nurture those memorable moments during the first 18 years of being a parent, here are some of the things I’ve learned.
• Hug and hold your child as often as possible. We all have a biological need for touch, and it helps ensure your child feels loved and connected to you.
• Strive to be conscious and consistent, not perfect. Your child needs to see you face challenges and get through them in a calm and loving way. When we make mistakes and haven’t behaved the way we would have liked, repair your relationship with your child and let them know you are working on doing it differently.
• Don’t compare your family to others. Most of what we see is just the outside shell, the social media images, and appearances. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Instead, be present and focus on gratitude.
• Remember, “This too shall pass.” Children go through many stages and will have challenges. Some of these may be very hard and even heart breaking. You may feel like it is more than you can bear, but getting through my children’s struggles, and getting them outside help when needed, has made us all stronger and more resilient.
• Cultivate joy and creativity. Play with them, laugh and be silly, dance and sing, explore nature, make art, and when it’s all done, rest. These are moments you will cherish.
My prayer for all of us is that we learn to live in the moment and love ourselves and others the way God intends us to. Forgiving ourselves by accepting our own flaws and our children’s, and knowing that we are enough, helps our children to have the courage and compassion to get through the challenges of life. Slow down and enjoy the moments so it doesn’t all become “a blur”.
Gigi Khalsa,
Head of School